


Meant to be

by Kmwhite27



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-03 01:45:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13330863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kmwhite27/pseuds/Kmwhite27
Summary: TLJ SPOILERSSet After Episode 8its been a few months since the battle of Crait and Rey has been shutting Kylo out.He grows tired of this and finally reaches out to find that Rey is still angry with him and unwilling to meet him in the middlesemi dark rey meets semi light kyloKylo might burn the First Order to the ground and Rey just might leave the resistance behindsemi slow burn





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT :  
> This fic was originally posted with song lyrics sprinkled throughout and after a lot of thought and some imput from my readers I have decided to go back and edit the lyrics out due to disjointing the story. It was a good idea in theory and I love the idea of an accompanying playlist but it was difficult to write and after a few chapters hard to pick out songs so everything has been removed.
> 
> I really like where this fic is going but I haven't had the time to update as quickly, my goal is to update weekly though so anyway - enjoy!

Chapter 1

It had been months since Crait, months since she had closed the door on him literally and figuratively.

When he reached out for her in the force he felt a wall up blocking him out. He was shocked at her raw ability, how she could instinctively weld such power with almost no training whatsoever.

His little scavenger.

He knew she wanted nothing to do with him and yet he could only think of her as his. He was drawn to her in ways that none of his training could have prepared him for. It took every ounce of self control he possessed to not simply break down her wall.

He could if he wanted to, the cracks in her defense so clear to him. He could take anything he wanted from her but he had already shown too much vulnerability when he had pleaded with her to join him.

He almost couldn’t bear to think about how pathetic he must have looked.

Now the Supreme Leader, he said please to no one. He commanded people with almost no effort whatsoever and it was boring.

If he was truly honest with himself he was obsessed with the girl. His thoughts constantly returned to her and his desire to possess her.

He spent far too much time going over every sentence, every action, painstakingly analyzing what had led her to leave him.

He wished on some level that he had actually blown her out of the sky so he could be finished with this new kind of torture.

He knew that if he appeared to her, she would know that he had put effort into breaking through her defenses.

She would know that he was a worthless sentimental sap.

And in the best case scenario where she didn’t try to kill him, she would always come back to her plea to turn him to the light.

He didn’t want to turn to the light or return to the Resistance. Surely she understood that he could never go back. They would never let him just get away with everything he had done, no matter that he didn’t even know if the First Order was where he wanted to be anymore.

All he wanted was to be with her.

She was the only one left in the galaxy that could understand him. 

The more he thought about it though, the more he was filled with rage.

They were the only two force users left in this forsaken reality and she had the audacity to shut him out?

Who does she think she is?

She would be lucky to be his apprentice and this radio silence had gone on long enough.

He was tired of playing this game with her.

He saw the vision of her at his side and though he could no longer see it clearly as he did before, he knew they were destined to be together. The Force had connected them. Whether or not Snoke had created the bond, or if that was a lie, the fact was that it remained now.

What he knew about Force Bonds said that they only grew stronger over time.

Her shutting him out was madness!

 It occurred to him that it must be taking an incredible amount of effort for her to be holding her wall up all day every day and night.

Was being connected to him so terrible that she would cut herself off from the Force entirely to escape from him?

He didn’t think so. From his perspective he had murdered the evil bastard that had been mind fucking both of them, him for years and offered her a chance to start anew.

Why must she cling to a way of life she barely understood?

Before he could even register what he was actually doing, he effortlessly lowered her mental defenses and all at once he was with her. He couldn’t see her surroundings only her and she gasped at his sudden arrival. She was sitting cross legged in what appeared to have been deep meditation.

All of a sudden her eyes shot open and her face took on a look of shock mixed with anger and betrayal. She reached out a hand and summoned what looked like his old lightsaber and activated it at the same time jumping from her meditation spot and into her battle stance.

 “How did you find me?” she asked him “I’ve been working on my mental defenses”

He looked at her somewhat irritated and responded with “I noticed the cracks from the moment you put them up”

She took a step forward and practically spat out “So what makes today different?”

“I realized that this charade you’re putting on is ridiculous” he stated simply as though it were the most obvious thing in the world

“Charade?” she scoffed angrily and swung her saber to attack him, but he was fast enough to summon, activate and meet her with his own.

She held it there for a moment before sighing heavily, pulled it away, deactivated it and hung it at her hip. He did the same but remained quiet.

“What do you want from me?” she asked him somewhat defeated

“I want the same thing I wanted so many months ago when he fought side by side in Snoke’s throne room. I want you by my side”

She looked confused by this, as though she never considered such a thing a possibility.

 “You know I will never join the First Order” disgust dripped from her voice as she struggled to keep herself even when discussing her enemy

“Forget the First Order. Don’t you see Rey, that you and I are the last of a dying breed?” he posed the question with his usual intensity because it was true, and now more than ever he believed that she was what mattered.

“Search my thoughts and you will see my feelings are true.”

Her face was filled with apprehension and doubt as she struggled to believe anything that came out of his mouth but he opened his mind to her anyway.

The original vision of them ruling side by side in the dark and then it was shifting and in flux, he showed her a vision that he wasn’t sure he felt comfortable with of them clearly on the light side with children surrounding them.

He showed her a vision of them sparring and training on some planet neither one recognized.

A vision of Rey by his side as they fought some unknown enemy.

A vision of them separated by time and space withering away with the galaxy falling apart.

He as Ben Solo, never turned to the dark side, still meeting her on his quest to find Force Sensitive people. He as Kylo Ren, finding her on Jakku before she found BB-8 and taking her with him to train – in that scenario he was a hero to her.

Countless visions of them together in some shape or form and chaos reigning when they were apart.

 By the time she was done looking there were tears in her eyes “How can this be though? We live on opposite sides of a war that is raging all around us!”

Her voice was raising a little as she stalked towards him.

She reached out as if to hit him but he grabbed her arm and stopped her before she could. It felt strange. The moment they touched he felt her body vibrating in the Force. Their energies connected as best they could when they were so far apart.

This is what he had been missing.

He laughed to himself a little when he thought about how long it took him to simply take what was his. He should have shown up months ago. She would not be able to resist this forever.

“Why are you torturing yourself this way? For some Jedi Code you barely understand?” He was so tired of the black and white attitude of good and evil.

“Stop fighting this! Long after this war is over you will realize that I am the only one who will ever understand you! The only one who can help you! I can see the strain on your body from trying to block me!”

She stood defensively with her arms wrapped around her body and snapped back at him “It hasn’t been that bad!”

He smirked as he replied with “I haven’t attempted to breach your defenses until now and it took me no effort at all. If I wanted to I could break down that wall and assault you all day long until you relented to me”

She gaped at him then with more rage than he had ever seen her possess and reached out her hands and sent a burst of Force energy his way.

It shut down their connection almost instantly and he was sent flying into the wall of his bedroom where he had been communicating with her.

 At first he was shocked but a small grin emerged as he remembered the look of darkness on her face as she sent that wave of energy his way. He reached back around to his head and was fascinated to see blood on his hand from the blow.

Yes, she was much stronger when she was channeling the dark side.

His scavenger was such a beautiful mess.

She was his and she would stand by his side, no matter how it happened, it would eventually happen.

He could feel her on the edge of his awareness trying to see if he was okay. He could feel guilt coming off of her in waves, but instead of responding, he simply put up his own wall that he knew she would never be able to break through.

Let her see how it felt to truly be shut out.

 He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep her out for long, his own desire and obsessive nature would prevent him from being patient.

He needed her like air. It was only with her that he felt any kind of peace. And he needed peace.

The conflict had been inside him for as long as he could remember, and the past year had only made it worse.

The absence of Snoke whispering in his ear left him with a quiet he wasn’t sure what to do with. He knew that he would drop the First Order and run away with her if she agreed. He would destroy it all if that made her happy.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so feeling a lot stronger with this chapter!

Chapter 2

She wasn’t sure where the urge to Force push him away from her came from but she knew that she regretted it instantly.

Their connection was broken just as instantly and she took a few steps forward to the empty space he had inhabited.

She reached out with her mind for him, guilty that she felt the flow of darkness throughout her being as she reacted with anger. How easy it had been to let the anger take hold.

She worried over what she might have done to him. She shouldn’t be worrying about him though according to the man himself. He had broken through her defenses so effortlessly and didn’t waste a moment reminding her how much more experience he possessed.

 She knew that she had power inside and that she was strong, but she was in over her head with this Last Jedi business. She had no idea what she was doing.

She wanted him to teach her. She needed him to teach her, he was the only one left who could show her what to do.

After Rey left Ben on Crait, she made her best attempt to throw up some kind of barrier to keep him away from her.

Once the fighting was over and everyone had a chance to catch their breath everything came crashing down around her. Luke was gone and she was all alone. The pain of leaving Ben now Kylo Ren once more was overwhelming.

 She had been so sure that he would come with her and return to the light. Looking back now it all seemed kind of silly.

His words echoed in her mind about letting the past die and becoming who you were meant to be. She was desperate to find her place in this new world she had entered so suddenly. She had gone over the moment where he offered her his hand and wondered many times what would have happened if she had taken it.

Just as sure as she had been that he would turn, she was sure that fleeing back to the Resistance was the right thing to do and when given that opportunity she took it.

She left him there knocked out, rescued her friends and shut the door to the Falcon right in his face.

 She thought it was the right thing to do but after spending these past few months alone, without anyone to confide in about what she was going through as a Force user, she was starting to rethink her position.

Once the Resistance had found a more permanent place to hide out Rey tried her best to be a part of the team, but it was difficult.

All the energy she expended keeping Kylo out required her to spend most of her time meditating. As the only Force user left she was pretty much left to her own devices, with no required duties or stations. She spent her time working on engines and attempting to decipher the Jedi texts but she was mostly in a daze, not really focused on anything other than making sure he couldn’t get in.

It wasn’t long before she decided that she needed to get away from the base and the Resistance all together. She knew that she would never feel safe letting her guard down while she could lead Kylo Ren straight to them.

Everyone seemed to understand. Leia knew that Luke had done the same thing many years ago. The only difference now was that he had a Master to study under and Rey was going to try and teach herself.

She went back to Ahch-To.

 She had only been here a few days when Kylo had reached out to her. She had almost forgotten the details of his face, forgotten how handsome he was. It hurt seeing him though. She could only remember him chasing after her in a rage, firing on Luke, going after the rest of the Resistance. So much darkness pouring out from him, it was painful.

She had no idea how he felt about her now, but she didn’t want to give him the chance to hurt her again. She decided to go straight for the kill to show him just how easy it would be for her to move on from whatever connection they may have once shared.

But she knew that it wasn’t easy. Every day had been hell and when he came to her today, even though she was hurt she was thrilled that he had finally torn her wall down.

When she found out that he had been able to reach her the entire time it was easy to channel her rage. It was effortless. Was the dark side effortless? Is that why he had so much power?

He was right that she would not be able to resist him forever. Even now she was trying with all of her might to break through his defenses. It killed her that she was unable to.

Maybe he was right and this was pointless. He said forget the First Order, what did that mean?

They were the last of a dying breed and that was true. There would never be anyone else unless he or her found them and trained them and the idea of him taking on another apprentice besides her left her feeling just as angry as she had when she Force pushed him back across the galaxy.

 She closed her eyes and focused on her anger.

She imagined his wall and she imagined all of her vulnerable, insecure, depressed and angry emotions going straight towards it. She gasped in shock when she was able to break through just as effortlessly as he had described.

She suddenly saw him, without his shirt and in what must have been the bathroom, cleaning his head wound.

He made eye contact slowly as a smirk appeared on his face “That didn’t take long” he said.

Still reeling from channeling her dark side, she paused a few moments to collect her breath and let the intensity within calm down a little.

He arched an eyebrow as he watched her inhale and exhale obviously amused with how infantile she must seem.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay” She spoke with a genuine heart because she did care about his wellbeing.

She didn’t mention that it was also an almost magnetic pull that made her reach out.

“It’s nothing” his features relaxed a little possibly satisfied that she was not here on a mission to do more damage.

She did long to wipe the smirk off his face. It made everything she wanted to say that much harder especially because for some reason she was taken with his physical form.

 Her attraction made things messy. It made it difficult to resist him, and she wasn’t entirely sure she should continue to resist. For so long she had denied herself the pull of the Force itself towards this other being and giving in right now felt so good she was powerless.

It felt as though she was separated from her own mind and body, simply doing what was required of her by fate itself. Under a spell, she took a step closer to him and that gave him reason to stop.

He was almost done bandaging his head and as she moved towards him he turned his entire body to face her and waited quietly for her to speak.

“I’m sorry” she said straight to the point “You were right” she looked down briefly before searching once more for his dark eyes filled with so many things.

He took a step towards her and they had about two feet between them as she continued with “I need your help”

 “I’ve been so alone since I left you.” She knew she was laying her heart on her sleeve with each word she spoke but she didn’t care anymore. They were bonded through the Force, connected in such an intimate way that it didn’t make sense anymore to try and hide from him.

“Why did you leave me?” He asked her, eyes burning with wonder

“I don’t know I thought I was doing the right thing” she admitted

“I thought I could be strong and do this on my own, but I need your help, it’s so lonely” She choked back a sob realizing that this monster in front of her was her only chance at being understood, scared because she had done damage to him just like everyone else. Scared that he would simply send her away, that maybe he had grown tired of her.

 He took another step towards her and gathered her into his arms as she cried into his chest. He gently ran his hand over her hair and back in an attempt to comfort her. It didn’t take long for her to get herself together.

“I don’t know why I got so emotional” she gently untangled herself from his hold and took a step back somewhat embarrassed.

“Its fine.” he kept his eyes on her before continuing “I haven’t grown tired of you”

Her cheeks reddened with the knowledge that he must have heard her fears. It was still shocking even though she was slowly learning just how connected they really were.

She closed her eyes and the connection was broken when she opened them.

She took in her surroundings and decided she should head back to her hut and get ready for bed. She was excited for sleep tonight, no longer trying so hard to keep a wall between herself and Ben, and she did think Ben was still there after seeing him today. She was exhausted really and she was asleep before she even hit the pillow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You to everyone who has left kudos and who has bookmarked this story, it definitely keeps me going!

It had been about a week since he broke down her barriers and invaded her space. He never suspected that she would figure out how to get past his mental defenses so easily. She was channeling the dark side and he didn't think she had really come to terms with that.

Though she was no longer actively trying to block him out, they hadn't connected since she appeared in his bathroom and cried in his arms. She fought so hard to control herself, so hard to stop herself from losing it totally. The tears were flowing but she never truly surrendered. It was pure instinct that he gathered her in his arms as it had been a long time since anyone had comforted him.

He supposed that it made him want to comfort her even more, because he more than most understood how it felt to cry out in pain upon deaf and uncaring ears.

From his parents who feared him, to his uncle who saw fit to murder him in his sleep to his former master who simply got off on hurting him, Kylo Ren was no stranger to the aching feeling of loneliness.

He would not wish it upon anyone especially her.

Rey.

He hadn't realized it at the time, so clouded by his desire to murder his former Master Luke Skywalker, but the moment the desert girl entered his world, it was over for him.

He knew that he would not be satisfied until they were together. He needed her presence more than anything to calm the inferno that was burning within. When she was near him, he could breathe.

He knew he could go on despite the pain, if she were with him. He knew she felt the same way and was pleasantly surprised to see her somewhat give in to him. He didn't want to see her suffer, but he knew that suffering would lead her back to him. Only he could understand her, and the faster she realized that the better.

He needed to figure out what he was going to do. He knew that she would never be with him as long as he was Supreme Leader of the First Order. The truth was that he had grown tired of the wannabe Empire. Kill the past, that's what he told her, and recently he realized that the First Order was his past and not his future.

It was a matter of leaving though. Should he make an announcement and kill Hux outright or clandestinely slip out unnoticed?

He didn't particularly care what the Order did as it didn't affect him, but he knew Rey would, perhaps? He wasn't so sure anymore. He knew that she left the Resistance, but why? If he continued to play nice, would she go back? Would she give up her attempt to turn him back into Ben Solo?

He knew that deep down he was still Ben Solo, but he was also Kylo Ren. They weren't two separate entities, they were intertwined as one. Would she learn to accept him?

It was impulsive but he quickly packed a bag of essentials and practically stalked towards his ship. There were packs of rations and items necessary for Stormtroopers out on assignment, so he stopped nearby the hangar and grabbed one of those before coming face to face with General Hux.

"Supreme Leader, are you going somewhere?" he asked snidely with barely suppressed rage simmering all around him

"I'd watch your tone, if I were you" he spoke back "It is no concern of yours where I am going"

"Actually, I would have to disagree" he then made a gesture to the guards, who opened the hangar doors and out marched a small army of Stormtroopers, ready to shoot and presumably kill him.

Kylo rolled his eyes. He knew Hux was displeased with him in a position of authority over him but he had to hand it to him, he didn't think the slimy worm had it in him to rebel.

"General, I didn't know you had it in you!" Kylo smirked at Hux who seemed to be growing angry that he was not reacting with the fear he had hoped for "Looks like you and the Resistance have something in common, you both have a sorry rebellion"

All of a sudden Rey appeared.

"I'll see you soon" he winked at her before pulling out his saber and going straight into battle mode. He lunged forward and tore through their armor easily. Those who fired their blasters had each shot frozen in mid air. He sent another group flying across the room and continued to slice through each enemy as they moved towards him.

One glance at Hux's face and he could see the horror, and that was almost enough to make this worth it.

Rey on the other hand looked stricken. "Where are you? Are you okay?" she asked him

"Never been better" he shot back with another smirk as he made quick work of the remaining troopers. He turned to Hux and grabbed him by the throat with the Force..

As he choked the man, he knew this would be the last time as he would deal him the final blow in this moment. Harder he pushed and he could feel the life draining from the man who currently thrashed on the ground, reaching desperately for air that would not come.

Rey looked positively terrified. "Stop!" she yelled at him

Kylo Ren turned his head to look at her briefly relaxing the chokehold and asked her seriously "You would spare this man who if left to his own devices would not hesitate to obliterate the rest of your precious Resistance?"

She looked unsure, glancing from Hux to Kylo, her eyes filled with worry.

He didn't wait for her to say anything else, her silence said it all.

With one last pull, he sucked the rest of the life out of General Hux and then relaxed. By this time, more Stormtroopers had come to check out the situation. They took one look at their Supreme Leader, breathing heavily and saw the body of their former General on the ground before turning and fleeing.

Maybe another day he would have killed them too, but today he let them go.

Rey was still with him as he walked to his ship.

"Where are you going?" she asked him

"I'm coming to you" he said very simply. She looked alarmed and he could feel the anxiety coming off her in waves

"The First Order is effectively dead, Rey. Without a leader these troopers are going to scatter. They were not trained to think for themselves"

"Finn thought for himself" She responded quickly

"FN-2187 was an anomaly" he shot back, though not as irritated as he once was. With Snoke gone, there was no one to left to impress, he was the one to impress and the First Order just didn't interest him, it was not his destiny.

"Look, it doesn't matter anymore, you should be happy, your friends will be safe now" he reminded her

A huge grin appeared on her face as though the reality of what just happened became clear to her.

He had changed the course of the lives of millions of people within minutes and he still had more to do that day.

Though he was loathe to admit it, thinking of a future with Rey gave him power like he had never experienced with the dark side.

It made him stronger in ways he didn't know were possible.

Just as she was drawn to the darkness in him, he was like a moth to the flame of her light. There was a purity about her that commanded him to worship. Though she was surrounded by light now, he knew she was being tempted by the dark side.

It was true though what he said about being rid of the Jedi and the Sith. It was time for something new. They would be the visionaries to actually change their galaxy.

They would find balance together.

He settled into the pilot position of his ship and she was still with him, sitting in the copilot spot. She looked at him with curiosity and he wondered just how much of his thought train she picked up.

All of a sudden it felt very small inside his ship. There was no more war to think about, at least not with the First Order. The physical barrier that was holding them apart was dissolving rapidly, as he left his old life and set out to meet her in the flesh.

He cleared his throat to meet her gaze but she had disappeared.

Good, he thought.

He needed some time to prepare himself for their meeting.

He entered the coordinates in his navigation system and took off, away from The Finalizer and towards Ahch-To.

Even though he believed that he and Rey were destined to build a new world together, he was nervous.

He wasn't exactly sure what to expect. He suddenly changed the rules of the game and even though his heart told him he was on the right path, he was entering territory he had never explored before.

It was exciting.

He was by no means a healed or completely changed man, but he felt lighter despite having killed many people not even an hour ago.

Perhaps not today or tomorrow, but one day soon she would truly be his. He could feel her already allowing herself to gravitate towards him and that sent a thrill up his spine like nothing else ever had.

For the first time in a long time neither one of them would be alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright there it was, let me know what you think :)


	4. Chapter 4

Rey was not sure how she was supposed to be feeling after her last encounter with Kylo Ren, or was it Ben now? She didn’t want to get her hopes up that he had turned back to the light. He murdered Hux and many other Stormtroopers with almost no regret. Watching him move she could see that he was a skilled killer. It didn’t scare her as much as it should.

She did have to face the fact that he was on his way to her right now however. Ever since their connection broke she was fidgety and nervous. The last time she saw him in person she had refused his outstretched hand and left him unconscious to join the Resistance.

She had no idea what his mood would be. He was so unpredictable and that both excited and terrified her. What did he want? Why had the Force connected them?

It was a question she had been asking herself from the first time they appeared to one another. How much had changed since their initial meeting in the forest of Takadona.

She remembered looking up and seeing all the ships, his ship included at the time so blissfully unaware of what was coming for her.

Then she saw it in real life right now. A dark ship appeared suddenly out of lightspeed, a stark contrast against the light sky. Her heart was beating wildly as she held her breath, waiting for him to land. Part of her was filled with panic as she was alone here on this island with nothing but her staff and a broken lightsaber.

Should he decide to overtake her, she was not confident that she would win. She was more vulnerable now than she had been even when he had her locked up for interrogation on Starkiller Base. Snoke claimed to have created their bond but she believes it happened when she entered his mind.

Back then she just wanted to kill him.

She had feelings now, complicated ones. The moment their fingers touched everything had changed. After such a long time spent away from him, she had realized she missed his presence.

Once on the ground and out of his ship it only took him a moment to find her and meet her eyes. He didn’t hesitate as he walked straight over to her and came to a stop only a few feet away from her.

He was clad in all black as usual, but his cowl was absent and so she could see his large and muscular body in all its glory. His lightsaber hung on his waist and around his body he carried a black bag.

“Rey” he greeted simply

Hearing her name roll off his tongue is unfamiliar to her and she takes a moment before responding with “Kylo”

“Back to calling me that again are you?” he arched an eyebrow as he searched her face for an answer. Sometimes when he made a certain face he reminded her of Han and she remembered that this was his son.

“Isn’t that who you are?”

“I suppose that’s a name I gave myself, but to be honest Rey, I don’t really know who I am or what my place is” he gestured to the island around him and continued “I’ve been asking myself the entire ride over, what am I doing here?”

She had a sinking feeling now that he had a change of heart and asked him just as much.

“No I haven’t changed my heart. I know with certainty that I do not belong with the First Order anymore.”

She relaxed a little hearing that and her heart actually leapt as she opened her mouth to speak but the words died on her tongue as he continued with “And no, I will not be joining the Resistance.”

Did he just read her mind?

“Yes”

“Stop doing that!” she shouted at him.

“You’re projecting your thoughts right into my mind” he insisted and then “I see Skywalker didn’t bother to teach you the most basic skills” he scoffed

Rey didn’t like the way he was talking about Master Luke “There’s no need to be nasty” she shot back at him and he scowled at her

“Well, I am a monster aren’t I?”

“Yes you are!” by now they were right in front of one another, only a few inches apart.

Suddenly aware of just how close they were she took a step back and turned away. She could feel the disappointment roll off him in waves. She was full of disappointment as well, for more than one reason she couldn’t exactly put her finger on.

He remained silent staring off at the water and she realized it would be up to her to smooth things over.

“Look Kylo- Ben” his head turned to look at her when she spoke his given name and he regarded her curiously “I’m just really confused here”

He sighed heavily and said “I know”

She knew that there would be plenty of time to talk, probably more time than she would want having come from such a life of isolation. She wasn’t used to sharing her feelings and now would be a great time for a distraction.

“Let’s get you to your hut” she motioned for him to follow her and she began using her staff as a walking stick up to the top of the island. He followed her silently and she continued speaking

“We can catch some fish and build a fire and have some dinner, I bet you’re hungry after such a long flight”

It felt so weird making small talk with the former Supreme Leader and not for the first time she felt like she was awake within a dream.

“I am actually, I’ve only got these ration packs” he pulled out very basic bland ration packs from his shoulder bag and made a face at her that looked so out of place on his face she burst out laughing.

“Yeah I know those, I lived on them for years!” She giggled and was surprised to see him trying to hold back a smirk on his own. It then turned to a frown inexplicably and she wondered what had caused his mood to shift so suddenly?

“You deserved better” he said simply, having read her thoughts again. She wanted to be upset at him for continuing to invade her privacy, but if what he said was true then she was broadcasting them loud and clear and he was actually concerned over her life filled with struggle.

“Living on Jakku made me who I am” she said as they reached the huts. He didn’t reply but simply nodded.

She opened the door to an empty hut next to hers and gestured for him to step inside.

“Mine is right next door, I’m going to catch some dinner how about you build the fire?”

He nodded and she walked away to the cliff Master Luke had shown her when she was there convincing him to train her. She grabbed the large spear and copied what he had done to catch the large fish. It took a few tries but she eventually came out victorious.

She walked back to their huts and saw from a distance that Ben had a nice fire going. Seeing him doing something so normal was bizarre but she walked up to him with a huge grin on her face.

“Look what I’ve got!” she took the fish from over her shoulders and presented it proudly. Having come from a desert planet, it was her first time fishing and she was pleased with her catch.

He actually smiled back as she made herself busy setting the fish up over the fire. Once it was cooking she went to her hut to change out of her clothes. She had worked hard on her forms before he arrived and had already built up a sweat before she went fishing and got somewhat wet while the thing thrashed around.

She knew nights were cold here and she needed dry clothes. It wasn’t because he was here. It wasn’t like she owned anything other than practical gear anyhow. She shrugged everything off and put fresh clothes she had taken with her from the Resistance.

She let her hair down as well and wrapped a cloak around herself before walking back outside to the fire.

She took a seat next to him and allowed herself to warm up near the fire and turn the fish a little as it continued cooking. They sat in silence that was very rapidly turning awkward.

Her distraction was slowly fading and they were left with just one another.

“So, what is your plan here?” She looked at him unable to sit with the quiet any longer

He exhaled before speaking “I’m not quite sure, I didn’t really think this far ahead” he chuckled a little and she returned it, able to relate.

“While I was getting the fire ready, I did have a thought though” he wasn’t revealing exactly what that was though, waiting for her to give him some sign that she wanted him to continue

“What were you thinking?” she asked him genuinely interested

“Let me teach you” he said directly “We stay here on Ahch-to and you will be my apprentice, and I will teach you everything you ever wanted to know about the Force”

She was looking at him wide eyed. Whatever she thought he was going to say, it wasn’t that. She met his dark eyes with her own and she imagined them together on this island as Master and Apprentice. He would be her Master. That gave her a little thrill she didn’t quite understand.

Master Ben.

He raised an eyebrow at her and she mentally kicked herself.  She knew that he had heard that and was currently turning five shades of red thinking about what must be going through his head.

His smirk grew and she wanted to punch him in the face.

“I’m scared” she admitted

He didn’t look upset at this answer though and continued “I trained as a Jedi remember, I can teach you the basics and you can build a foundation at the very least, before deciding if you want to learn more advanced techniques”

It was everything she wanted. She craved the knowledge and skill he possessed more than she wanted to admit and she knew he would be able to sense it.

“I want to learn”


	5. chapter 5

It felt strange sleeping in a hut by the water on some ancient Jedi island. Kylo was replaying the last twenty-four hours in his head obsessively. He couldn’t believe he finally killed Hux. He knew that Rey was disturbed by his lack of remorse but he could not find it within to even fake it. Hux was a pain in his side from day one, plotting against him in every way and he was glad to be rid of him.

He was thinking about the resources of the First Order though, it seemed a shame to let all that go to waste. Now that he was here with Rey and she was being receptive he knew he needed to proceed with caution or he would push her away even further than he had done in the past.

He knew that he couldn’t go forward without her anymore and wasn’t willing to jeopardize their precarious peace but perhaps she would see reason.

He lay in bed watching the light change outside from dark to dawn, a soft light that transformed into an array of orange, yellow, pink and white on the clouds that drifted by slowly.

It was time to get out of bed, he could hear Rey outside and was ready to meet her and get their day started. Just thinking about teaching her filled him with excitement. Her power really was intoxicating. A scavenger from Jakku has brought him to his knees and he was only too willing to help her rise up even higher.

He grabbed a change of clothes from his hastily thrown together pack and realized that soon he would need something else to wear. Maybe he would ask Rey to go back to the Finalizer with him to regroup and stock up on supplies.

He poked his head out the door and saw her meditating. He walked over to her slowly and she seemed to realize his presence because she spoke out to him “Why do you keep thinking about your old ships?” She was sitting with her eyes closed facing the sun, but as she asked her question she cracked them open to look at him.

He was mildly startled by that thinking the light shields he put up before he went to sleep would be sufficient to keep her out, clearly she was learning faster than he thought.

“Well, that’s something I wanted to talk to you about actually…” he trailed off trying to gauge her reaction. She inhaled deeply and then stood up and faced him.

“What did you want to talk about Ben?” she had her hands on her hips, as if to dare him to say the wrong thing. Suddenly he wasn’t so sure that she would be reasonable. He felt as though he better choose his next words carefully.

He figured being direct was his best bet so he decided to just lay out all the facts.

“There are a great deal of resources left upon the Finalizer and the rest of the First Order’s ships, it would be a shame for them to go to waste and I think we should take what we can immediately.” He let his words sink in and she was nodding back at him as if it were a good plan.

He was a little bit more than confused by her reaction and it must have shown on his face because she added “I’m a scavenger from Jakku, you certainly haven’t ever forgot to remind me of that before, you thought I wouldn’t understand that you want to scavenge the First Order?” she arched eyebrow as if to make a point .

He bristled somewhat at this comparison to being a scavenger even if she did make her point well. He was just happy that she was open to gathering more resources

“What will the stormtroopers do?” she asked “Is it going to be a problem getting back in?”

He thought about it for a moment before resonding “We can walk right in. It will be easy”

They would probably be happy to have their leader back, happier with someone to follow.

“I can sense where your thoughts are going Ben” she said as he couldn’t stop himself from imagining the two of them side by side as rulers.

“And isn’t that what you want? Just on the Light side” He looked deep in her eyes slowly moving towards her

“I just want to make the worlds out there better” she sighed “I don’t want places where the weak and innocent get taken advantage of like they did where I grew up. I was strong but there were so many over the years that just weren’t.”

“We can create that world! Rey we are the balance the Force needs. Maybe I wasn’t ready before, but now I understand that you need my darkness just as much as I need your light”

“Don’t they have families they can go to?” she asked out loud as though she hadn’t heard him

“Rey, did you even hear what I said?” he asked irritated. He was having all these revolutionary ideas and she just couldn’t comprehend them. Sometimes he felt just as alone as ever and he hated it.

Just as she had detected everything else she noticed his darkness rising and reached out to touch him. She placed her hand upon his chest and said “Ben, I’m sorry I was drifting in my thoughts, I was listening to you, I promise” She looked him directly in the eye and he was lost by much emotion was actually held there. He believed her and felt stupid for once again over reacting.

“You’re progressing very quickly at reading me, I’ll have to put tighter shields up from now on” he joked with her but was actually quite serious. He didn’t like how close she was getting. He had to be able to hold himself together.

“Thank you” she beamed at the simple praise and he was glad to be cause for her smile.  She would be a wonderful student.

“As for the stormtroopers, any family they may have they will not remember. We take them when they are small and their fellow troopers probably feel more like family than anything else” he reasoned to her and she nodded, understanding.

Sometimes your family isn’t your blood it’s the people you go through life with.

“I just think about them, what they are going to do with no leader” she kept insisting and he wondered where she was actually going with this

“Rey, what are you saying? He asked her

“I don’t know” she admitted and looked to him for help

“They can still serve us, we don’t have to be the First Order” he offered

“I don’t like the idea of having them serve us” she answered back

“Work for then, I mean Rey we give them a place to sleep and food to eat, that’s more than what they would get if we dropped them off all on some random planet!”

She didn’t have much to say after that but he could tell by the feelings rolling off her that she wasn’t convinced.

“I thought you were going to train me” she pointed out looking up at him innocently. He loved looking down at her small frame. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms. He would train her in so many ways.

She was blushing, obviously picking up on his thoughts.

“We can train you anywhere, and now that we’re on the subject, I have training rooms, weapons and books all available on the Finalizer. We could go back, get the troopers on task and pull everyone from the field doing anything Rey the Jedi doesn’t approve of.  Then we hang around and do whatever we want” he flashed her one of his Ben Solo grins, something he had actually learned from his father and was somewhat ashamed to be using right now.

The problem was that he knew it would work.

He knew that she was running out of reasons to say no and that made him enormously happy. He couldn’t help but wear a huge grin and he could see her face getting annoyed at his joy concerning his imminent victory over her.

“How do I know I can trust you?” she asked him and he could feel that she didn’t actually not trust him, she was simply asking the question out loud because she needed to feel like she was at least trying to resist. Trying to resist the magnetic pull that was happening right now, towards him and the future he represented.

“You know you can. You can read my thoughts and feel my feelings, I cannot hide from you, just as you cannot hide from me” he reminded her.

She was looking down and he couldn’t help but reach out and grab her chin to lift her gaze up towards his. “Look at me” she met his eyes and he felt possessed. He ran his fingers through her hair as he tucked a loose strand behind her ear. He felt her shiver and he pulled her closer.

She was looking at his lips and he knew that she wanted him to kiss her. He imagined what it would be like to lean down and taste her lips and before he knew it she was grabbing him by the back of his head and pulling him down into her.

He closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch. She twirled her hands in his hair and they collided. For a moment he knew they both saw stars, literally. He could see the entirety of the cosmos for a brief second before she pulled away, touching her lips like they were on fire.

“That was unexpected” he stated and she let out a small laugh, the tension in the air suddenly dissolving.

She took a step back and asked “When do we leave?”

He was happy that she was done protesting but knew they didn’t need to leave right this second. There was nothing stopping them from doing anything they wanted. He knew they should go soon though.

“The sooner the better, but we can take our time getting prepared for the trip.” He was somewhat distracted by the fact that she had acknowledged their mutual attraction not but a moment ago. She seemed to be acting like it never happened now though.

That was fine. He could wait. Already he had made great progress with her. It could only get better from here on out.

He knew it would transform, but already they were side by side doing what they were meant to be doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has left kudos, bookmarked and commented on this story, it really inspires me to keep writing!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I received this review that complained about the song lyrics and I decided that for many reasons, including that review that I would not continue with the lyrics.
> 
> For one, I was running out of songs and it was actually kind of difficult to write and stay in the flow with the lyrics, even though I like the idea of the songs in theory.
> 
> I’m writing this note after I wrote the chapter and I found that it was definitely easier and faster to write this chapter than any of the others, so I don’t think I will continue with the lyrics from here on out.
> 
> I like where I’m getting with this story even though I have thought about scrapping it and starting over I think I’m going to continue working with it even though I feel it has evolved now past my initial chapters. Perhaps I will go back and edit them later. 
> 
> As with all of my writing, very little planning goes into these chapters, I usually allow the story to tell itself as I go, so I apologize for grammatical errors, inconsistencies and anything with canon that may not be perfect, that being said I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos or follows and comments and reviews!

They were on their way to the Finalizer and Kylo Ren couldn’t believe it. He had Rey by his side and he was on his way to scavenge the First Order of everything they could carry and he was hoping that once he was there he could convince her to stay.

Stay and do what he envisioned them doing so long ago, he just needed to convince her that it was in her best interests to help him. Even though he could sense her raw power and felt the cord that connected them in fate, sometimes he was beyond irritated at his inability to make her listen.

He was by far the more experienced Force user and she should simply take his word for it when he told her something was the right move to make. The fact that she questioned him at every step was part of the reason he was falling in love with her and wanted to murder her at the same time.

When she initially left him to help the Resistance he saw red. All he wanted was to destroy her but after time went by he had to admit to himself that was not what he wanted. His pain over her rejection turned into anger, but he could no longer deny that their connection was beyond even him.

After she broke down in his arms he knew that she wanted to be by his side as well, she just wasn’t as willing to admit it. She would though, in time. He knew that he just needed to be patient with her and not scare her away.

She looked over as though she heard him but he knew that was impossible. Ever since he arrived on Ahch-to and they were in such close proximity she was able to pick up on his stray thoughts. He wasn’t ready for her to see everything he thought about on a daily basis. He knew that would scare her.

“What’s going to happen when we get there?” She asked out loud to him

He took in her appearance, so fresh and ready for whatever might be thrown their way, but he could also detect a hint of fear behind everything else. Fear for what he did not know. He knew she could handle herself against any physical threat and could even withstand him. He was the thing she should fear most and yet she agreed to come with him.

He couldn’t understand it.

“The troopers will be wondering what to do with themselves and so when I return they will likely follow my orders without much resistance.”

“What about General Hux?” she asked

“What about him?”

“He was their leader and you murdered him, don’t you think they’ll be upset?” she asked as though it should be obvious

“I am their Supreme Leader. They are no match for me, and definitely no match for us. If they are smart they will listen.”

He could feel the conflict rolling off her in waves. He knew that she was upset with everything he was saying and he couldn’t help but feel annoyed again. He frowned at her.

“I can feel your anger” He stated simply

“Well that’s lovely isn’t it? So glad you can feel my anger! Every time I think you’re starting to come around you open your mouth and I wonder if I’m out of my mind for agreeing to do this with you.”

 She crossed her arms and looked away from him.

Her words cut him and for a brief moment he felt panicked that she was going to leave him again. He took a deep breath and tried to understand her.

“I know you think you’re going to turn me but I’m not just Ben Solo anymore. I will never be that boy again and I don’t want to.  He still lives inside of me, but I am also Kylo Ren. I need to know that you understand that and accept it.”

He looked over and saw that she too was breathing deeply, trying to control herself. “I know what I signed up for but it hurts me to hear you speak of people’s lives as though they are nothing”

It hit him then that he had told her that she was nothing. Nothing, but not to him. He groaned internally realizing that such a statement was probably very cutting to her. It’s not what he meant when he said it, but somehow it came out wrong.

He thought back to that day and now things started to make sense. He could see why she left him, he had done to her what Snoke had done to him and he hadn’t even realized it.

He didn’t want to be like Snoke, cutting people down and manipulating them into submission and especially not to Rey. It was important that she was willing.

“Rey, I’m sorry” he finally said

She was looking at him then like she didn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth and she pushed him to elaborate.

“That day, in Snoke’s throne room I told you that you were nothing. Nothing, but not to me and in the moment it didn’t seem like anything but me letting you know how much I thought of you but I can see now that I hurt you.”

He looked away, resigned to the fact that he was a terrible person. He was used to it now but he knew she wouldn’t stay with him if he didn’t change his ways a little. Perhaps he should listen to her, maybe he didn’t know everything like he thought he did.

“Look at me” she said “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for this because I do believe now that it is destiny.”

He was delighted that she was here and not going anywhere, but reality was setting in. They actually had to do this. Create a new world and he knew it would not be as simple as convincing her to listen to him. He was going to have to listen to her as well.

He sighed heavily because it meant that every move he made was going to be a battle. A battle with Rey though, was better than being alone.

His time as Supreme Leader without Snoke whispering to him was some of the loneliest times in his life. There was no one in the galaxy to confide in and walking around with that knowledge was enough to drive anyone crazy.

That was perhaps why he ended up giving in and appearing to her. That ended up being a good decision though so maybe he could do this.

Meet her in the middle.

It was very agreeable of him and he was proud of himself.

“I suppose I could use some help with the Stormtroopers,” he admitted to her “A lighter touch may be welcome after everything they have been through. It may indeed grant them more loyalty to you in the long run.” She rolled her eyes but nodded her head.

He arched an eyebrow back to her as if to ask what?

She sent a small smile his way and he couldn’t help but return it. He felt strange inside, in a way he wasn’t used to. Was this happiness? It had been so long it felt foreign in his body.

The Force had done a real number on him. All his life spent in isolation with a monster in his head, a constant disappointment to his parents, and then uncle, he spent many years being miserable. It was a way of life he had learned to accept and cope with.

Now all these years later out of nowhere, he was leading this life he didn’t recognize. He wondered many times if it was even real?

“When we arrive, I think it would be best to use the Force to keep the peace if we meet any resistance. I don’t want any one killed unless they absolutely have to be. Those are people behind the masks and armor and they deserve a chance to live.” She spoke passionately and he knew this was a limit for her. She would not be party to unnecessary death.

From a logistical standpoint he could see her point and yet he was so used to making an example of anyone who disagreed with him that he was worried they wouldn’t take him seriously. He would not look weak in front of his men.

“This is why I am here.” She reassured him somehow sensing his feelings despite his walls.

He nodded and said “I will let you take the lead”

She reached over and grabbed his hand. “I am going to need your help. We have to do this together”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoys!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


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